Just Ask
Communication
Marriage is amazing, just like a fairytale! Then the Hollywood glimmer fades and reality sets in that you are married to a real person and not a made-up persona designed to feed the female fantasy of the "Perfect Man".
The Perfect Man knows what their wife wants and needs without being asked. They can anticipate our every whim and desire and fulfill them before we even think of it ourselves. They are always happy and worship the ground we walk on. Burned meals always taste like gourmet cooking to the Perfect Man. He understands why his wife might suddenly burst into tears and never misinterprets those hormonal mood swings that hit like hurricane Katrina.
Doesn't the Perfect Man sound perfect?
But, alas, the Perfect Man is a piece of fiction that has made a lot of money in the entertainment industry.
When I married my Perfect Man, Eric, I had newlywed stars in my eyes and butterflies in my stomach. I went from living at home to suddenly being 100% responsible for things like getting health insurance and paying bills. I also went from working full time to being a stay-at-home wife. I did all the things: cooking, cleaning, laundry and the like while my husband worked. There were a lot of changes, and, despite my rocky relationship with change, I think I handled things with less tears than our engagement.
One day, my husband was home. He stood in the doorway, chatting with me while I folded laundry, gradually getting more and more aggressive in my folding.
Why was he just standing there? Why didn't he help while he was talking?
I continued to get more irritated until that emotion morphed into visible anger. Eric noticed and, like any perfect man, asked me what was wrong. I let him have it.
Couldn't he see I was working, and he was just standing there? Why didn't he pick up a piece of laundry and start folding? Of course I was angry! Who wouldn't be?
Eric looked at me, a bit shocked. "I didn't notice the laundry. I was enjoying talking with you. Why didn't you ask me to help instead of getting mad?"
Should I have to ask? That answer, my dear friend, is yes, I need to ask.
Turns out this phenomenon isn't my husband being insensitive or lazy, it's a difference in priorities. He literally doesn't notice things that drive me crazy and (shocker) I don't notice things that drive him crazy. Where I see a counter littered with a paralyzing number of dirty dishes that have to be cleaned to create the space to make dinner, he sees enough clean dishes to get us through that third meal.
Where Eric sees a door covered in fingerprints, dirt paw marks, and tongue smears (remember, we have little kids), I see a door that still opens. I don't care about the dirt or grime because the thing still functions.
Fast forward seven years and I still need to ask for help. Eric has gotten more adept at doing things that are important to me without being asked. Honestly, I'm not sure I am any better at seeing the things that are important to Eric though.
As husband and wife, we have been learning how to see the things that are important to each other and communicate while we are learning. To quote Matthew 7 somewhat out of context: "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for."
Do you ever wonder if we have to learn to see the things that are important to God?
While we are God's children and he is our Father, the things of God don't come naturally to fallen man. It is far easier to shun that smelly homeless person, ignore the widow alone and clinging to life in a long-term care facility, and turn a blind eye to the needs of a child left to the mercy of this cruel world. It is far easier to cling tightly to our money and possessions rather than using what we have been given to fulfill the calling of his people.
God is just asking for us to do the things that are dear to his heart. His heart is laid bare in the Bible for all to see. He longs for his people to share his heart.
He is just asking for us to see and act on the things that are important to him.
Am I listening? Are you?
Do you have a story like mine? I’d love to hear it! Click HERE to share.
May your week be filled with peace, my friend!
Deeper reading:
Exodus 20:1-17
Matthew 22:36-40
Micah 6:8
Isaiah 55:6-9